It was New Year’s Eve when I realized it might finally be over. You let me down. I burned with pain. But I endured the night with a smile. I wouldn’t let anyone know that I couldn’t take it any more.
I didn’t want it to end. But I needed a break.
For so many years you lifted me up. Literally. You made me feel tall, beautiful, confident. So grown up. So fabulous.
You in all your incarnations through every season, always there to raise me up when I needed it.
But the punishment took its toll.
I spent too many years ignoring this hurt and that. Not wanting to give you up. Not wanting to admit that you were simply not good for me.
I’d see all those other women, so happy. If they could have that, why not me?
So I didn’t want to admit it just might not be working out. I still don’t want to admit it. I don’t want it to be over. I would do anything to keep you in my life.
I remember being too young for you, dreaming of the day I could finally have you. We’ve had many blissful years since. Sure, I've felt pain now and then. But the pain never lasted too long. I always got through it.
Now, though, it’s gotten to be too much. Dare I say — and I don’t want to say it — you scare me. I’m a little afraid of you. And that’s the hardest thing of all to admit.
I just knew if didn’t make a break, something terrible and irreversible might happen.
So there we are. I miss you, terribly. So many reminders of you everywhere only makes it harder.
Quite simply, I can't imagine life without you. I don't think I could take that. I refuse to accept it.
But the break has been good. I'm taking care of myself and the pain has subsided.
I now feel ready to try again, just baby steps, to see if we can make another go of it.
Last night was wonderful. If only for a few hours. Oh I felt a little sting now and then but you were pretty good to me.
I will see you again. I just know it.
Because I cannot imagine life without you.
(Well, maybe I could live without you four-inch heels.)
(By the way: That gorgeous illustration above is available here: https://www.allposters.com/-sp/Highheels-Obsession-Posters_i1665533_.htm)
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