Thursday, January 1, 2009

Some Conversations I Hope Not to Repeat in 2009

Yes, these are excerpts from real conversations I've had. I have a sense of humor about them so don't feel too sorry for me. But still...!

HE: You going to put your face on for the party?
ME: My face is on.

SHE: You have very fine hair, don't you?
ME: Why yes, what makes you say that?

SHE: You know, they make these really nice padded bras. You should try one.
ME: I'm wearing one.

ME: I like your jeans, with the back pocket flaps.
SHE: They're from The Gap. They're good because I have a flat butt...... like you.
ME: *momentary stunned silence because no one has ever said this to me before*
That's funny because sometimes I feel like I almost have a Jo-Lo butt, like in my yoga pants.
SHE: Jo-Lo!? *laughs*

ME (at store): Where are your Curvy jeans?
SHE (looking me up and down): Are you sure? You look pretty straight to me.

ME (same store, different woman, different day): *trying on pants*
SHE: You're small but you have hips.

SHE: I love your blog! I loved the one about that cats. Oh and the one about [something I did not write].
ME: *looks confused* I never wrote about [that].
*discovers that SHE, while reading my blog, mistakenly stumbled upon a post by another blogger thinking it was me.*

HE: Your thigh looks really big from here.
ME: It must be the way I'm sitting.


Cindy L said...

Omigosh, I hope those conversations don't get replayed either. Some people have a warped sense of humor and no social skills. Anyone who would hurl zingers like that sounds a bit shallow, if not downright passive-aggressive. Who needs 'em?
Seriously, I hope your New Year is wonderful, and that 2009 brings you encounters with lots of nice people who say kind things! :-)

monica said...

I hope these just happened in your writerly imagination!

Only the Half of It said...

Thanks for the support ladies.
I actually had those conversations... they were not said in mean ways but you know how that goes. Sometimes it's good to laugh at yourself, as I honestly do here. :-)
I did sort of reduce them to their barest elements for the sake of telling, but they are true! You kind of had to be there to get the full effect. But still....
For the record: the putting my face one was not that I looked bad but probably didn't look party-like. And it was my older aunt who wanted to clue me in about the bras! God bless her. :-)
But really... the things people say...

Bobbi said...

Ok cousin Ellen!
My mom is so use to her daughter with the big,gigantic, and blooming breasts that when she sees someone who is fine and refined. :) She has no idea how to handle the conversation. Don't feel bad my mom always throws those zingers my way too. She told me one time when I was nine that not to worry men like plain girls.
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She does not mean harm and we love her but sometimes she is outspoken.

Only the Half of It said...

You got it. Gasp! But she means well.